H.A.L.T. is an acronym used to help those with illnesses remember to take care of the basics: You don't want to get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. I think it's more for mental illnesses, I don't know since I don't have any other kind. What happens is, by not allowing yourself to get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, you help keep symptoms from flaring. Mainly, for me anyway, depression.
But I'm thinking about it today because I think there needs to be another letter for staying in your routine. Because when I'm out of my routine for more than a day or two, my depression starts to get bad. That's where I am now, because after going to the gym on Thursday I haven't left the trailer, except to go get allergy medicine. And while the wind has finally died down and I was able to sit outside yesterday, today someone is mowing grass so I'm back inside where I can breathe.
So I'm sitting back in the trailer, breathing but a little depressed because I can't do anything I want to do and I'm out of my routine. For me, and people like me, routine is really important. It keeps me focused on now, so I don't get overly anxious. It helps me recognize my symptoms becoming noticeable while they are still controllable. A routine is a safety net, and not having it can sometimes make things seem very scary. I try to stay as close to my plan as possible, to feel as safe as possible, so my brain doesn't trick me into thinking something bad is about to happen. So I'm trying to think of how I can do something that feels routine to get myself feeling back on track.
I could go to the gym today, but Erik is going to work tonight, so he has to sleep and there isn't anyone to watch the kids. No childcare at the gym on Sunday, for some odd reason. Honestly, do you think Sunday is so different from Wednesday for most people? I don't, I would totally bring my kids on days that I worked out. It would definitely make my life easier.
Oh, but I did decide to join Weight Watchers (I know, random transition there, wasn't it!). I figure if nothing else, I can pay someone to help me gain weight and then I'll have someone else to blame. But maybe it will help, and I will start losing weight. Somewhere I read that it's possible to not eat enough and therefore not lose. I don't know if it would cause you to gain, but I'll cover all the bases, just to be sure. And I like Weight Watchers. I get to eat the foods I choose, so I don't have to make a ton of changes in my diet. I'm really lazy, so the easier the better for me. I'd do Jenny Craig if I could afford it, simply because they hand you the food and tell you what to eat when. But because you have to pay extra for that service, I'll go the next best route and count points. Oh, and I get extra points for working out, which I've been doing, so I get extra food. So that means that when I want my chocolate I get it, no guilt attached.
Hmmm, except for the weight thing. Dang it. Well, I'm almost completely off the one medication that causes weight gain, and the lithium is next. I feel confident I'll lose when I get off that, because my ankles are swollen (lithium is a salt, hence the water retention). And if that doesn't work, then I go back to my doctor and just cry. Maybe that will help.
Oh, wait. Carter fell asleep! Yay, I can go to the gym! I'm beginning to feel more normal already.
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