Yeah, it's been awhile, but I'm going to give my blog another shot. I always wanted to be a writer, and this gives me a chance to fulfill that dream. I just keep forgetting, or getting sidetracked, or just being plain lazy about it.
My life since October has been a roller coaster, but I won't bore you with all the details. I do wish I was keeping up with the blog, because I'd love to be able to look back and see my thoughts during that time. I can't, though, and there's no use worrying about what could have been.
My depression was pretty bad for a while, I had two hospitalizations and I'm still in an outpatient program. That will be over in a few weeks, however, because I've been pretty stable. I did have a manic episode last week which, while not debilitating, was still pretty exciting. I managed to spend over $1000 in three days and that didn't help our finances (but I will take some credit for feeding our economy this month).
My manic episodes are called hypomanic, which means they are not the high out-of-control manic that one usually associates with bipolar disorder. I have Bipolar II disorder, which is characterized by lesser manic episodes where the person can still function and depression that can be moderate to severe (mine is obviously severe, as you can tell by my previous posts). I have racing thoughts, lack of focus, inability to concentrate, decreased need for sleep, and the risky behavior (like spending money I shouldn't spend, or driving recklessly, which I also did). Of course, while I was in my manic state, I would have told you that I was perfectly fine, doing extremely well, was actually at the "top of my game," because that's another symptom of mania--you think you're great.
But I came out okay, aside from the money I wish didn't spend. I didn't come crashing down into depression, which is really good. My doctor increased some of my medication to prevent the mania from happening again, but otherwise things are okay.
So because of dealing with bipolar disorder, I've discovered NAMI, which is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. They are a grass roots organization that helps people with mental illnesses and their families. They are an amazing resource for people who need help with everything from emotional support to finding a home and getting social services one qualifies for. I did the NAMIwalk fundraiser in April, which was pretty cool. And I just got chosen to become a meeting facilitator and will do the Facilitator Training next weekend.
The reason NAMI appeals to me is that I've seen many people during my many hospital stays that could have been (and may have been) helped by NAMI if they were aware of it. I truly believe that God's Kingdom is ultimately going to solve these problems, but if short-term solutions are available to people, they should know about them. Many homeless people are mentally ill people who are unaware of the options they have, or don't know how to go about taking advantage of those options. NAMI also works to educate people on mental illness to remove the stigma, and hopefully get more people to get help when they need it.
Off my soapbox now. If you want to know more, you can check out http://www.nami.org/.
Also during my break we moved out of the apartment and into the coolest house. Well, I think it's cool. It's got lots of room, including a guest room (a big hint for all our out-of-town friends!) and a beautifully landscaped backyard. We even have a community pool so we don't have to go far to swim. We love it here, and we plan on staying for a while. I'll post pictures as soon as I have a working camera (i.e., batteries). We have no furniture in the front room, although the way the boys run around and play we're tempted to leave it like it is and just let it be a giant playroom (Not really, although it gives me an excuse to take my time in my search for just the right pieces).
I now live back by my favorite gym. Yay! I haven't yet gone once. Boo! I know, I can't seem to get myself motivated. I think I need to post a picture of Angelina on my fridge or somewhere where I'll remember that I'm trying to be a well-rounded mother like her. She has all those kids and still looks great. Although she stood so weird at the Oscars. What was that about??? It almost made me take back all my admiration of her. And she made such great strides in the past few years since she split from Billy Bob. I guess I have to look it as she's just as flawed as the rest of us.
I have, however, lost quite a bit of weight. As I read back through my posts, I realized it wasn't that long ago that I was still on lithium. So I can gratefully say I've lost most of my lithium weight (now I can focus on the baby weight). That's no excuse to slack off, though; in fact, it's a good reason to get myself in gear. I have no excuse now to gain the weight unless I'm just being lazy. Okay, I admit when it comes down to it I'm lazy. I'd rather sit at my desk and play on Facebook than work out. Even though I feel better after a workout, I still like Facebook better. Go figure.
So that's how I've been doing. My goal is to be better about blogging. For my own sake. Because I think it's pretty cool. And because I think I have some pretty interesting things to say, if I have to say so myself. And because one day I may have to work for a living, and maybe I can use my blog on my resume.
Well, maybe not.
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